I have no clue what the heck I’m doing

I promise I”m not in a writer’s block. I feel more creative than ever. I’ve been timid tbh. I have about 24 drafts just chillin…. but here I am, afraid of really putting it all out there. So here’s the real.

I’m terrified.

My next step in my life is so crucial. Thinking about this move to Houston keeps me up at night, anxious through the day and skeptical of everything AND ANYTHING. Money is really the reasoning behind my stress. It sucks but it’s true. This job search ain’t no joke. Having a degree doesn’t guarantee you’ll have a job, know that. Having a requirement of at least 2-5 years experience is crazy CAUSE HOW DO YOU GET EXPERIENCE WHEN NO ONE WILL HIRE YOU CAUSE YOU HAVE NO EXPERIENCE?! Money is my toughest subject because I’m prideful as hell. I don’t want help from my family because I see them struggle enough, I cannnnnot move back in with my family because I just can’t (I’m prideful, remember?) Once I secure a job, I think life will be a tad better.

****

Guarded and Sydney are synonyms for the moment. I have such a guard up with friendships, relationships, life, jobs, etc, etc, etc. I truly think dating in 2017 doesn’t exist. I think a man considers Netflix and takeout as the shit. And I’m chill, that isssss my shit, but I’M ALSO SWAGGY AS HELL AND MAN I JUST WANT TO WEAR A CUTE FIT AND TRY SOMETHING NEW AND FUN. I really feel like I am one of the few peeps with good ideas. (No tea, no shade) I truly am a simple woman. I love the little things. It doesn’t have to be somewhere expensive or crazy, just something you actually put thought behind. AND I LOVE ASSERTION. LIKE YAS. TELL ME WHEN TO BE READY. If you leave it up to me, mannnnnnn who knows if it will ever be in this lifetime.

****

I just feel so many feels. I ask myself, “why am I moving?” alllll the time. I’m in a constant battle with the woman in the mirror. Even though I’m terrified of what the heck happens next, I feeeeeeeel so alive. I feel so many feelings, towards everything, if that makes any sense? I just wanted to let you know that no, I don’t have it all together. Many people live different lives online, just check on your peeps to make sure they’re keeping their head afloat. Know that time is precious, time is a beautiful gift, and if you have a homie that’s moving, see them, take them on a date, have an adventure with them, make efforts with them, simply text them to remind them that you love emmmm. (aka, me)

26 days.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s