Those fancy ones, the big ones with all those extra ass options.
I wish I could fast forward through the roughest parts of life and slow mo through the happiest moments in my existence. I wish I could pause moments of bliss forever. Moments that I wouldn’t mind living in. I wish I could rewind, not to change things, but to experience some things twice. (s/o to Drake lol)
Bad days. Bad moments. Bad times consume me. I try to come off as a happy individual, and for the most part, I am. Life is so damn good. What the hell could I possibly be sad about? To be honest, I think too much. I consume myself in my own thoughts and man it gets dark. My insecurities get the best of me. Stress overcomes my happiness. My overthinking ways seem to hurt the hardest.
But how do you get over shit like that? How do you go on about your life like ain’t shit wrong? Sometimes I’m sad for no damn reason. I try to blame my period, I mean who doesn’t? Sometimes I just feel like running away from life and starting all over, new identity, new interest, new person. Like freakin Gone Girl but without all that crazy lol.
I just wish some Steve Jobs Jr. would create a teleportation device and a life remote. I wish I could go back to my childhood when a lot of shit didn’t matter. Your ethnicity, what you wore, how tall or short you were, if you were fat or skinny, if ya momma wore name brands, how much money you make, if you lived in a nice home, had a nice car, if your actually good at your job. Stupid shit that feels like big shit. Cause isn’t that what life’s all about? The little things? The things that are so small but so significant to ones life. Like Zoe, I know she loves chili from Wendy’s. Jabari, he loves rolling his eyes and doing this thing with his lip at the same damn time. David, and how he loves, loves, loves good conversation. Jorge, his love for Canes.
Until Steve Jobs Jr. creates a remote, I’m stuck trying to hold on to the happiest memories and fast forwarding through the rough ones.
The thing about life is, life keeps it fucking pushing. Life keeps going. Life doesn’t wait for you to be done being sad. I wanted to call into work today. I wanted to call into life today. I wanted to say fuck all that shit and just drive, with no destination. Just me and the road.
Being sad sucks. Giving up on life sucks even more. What sucks the mostest is having a new day, a new opportunity to give happiness a chance, and choosing not to.
You are never alone. Never.